Genius is by genes, and genius is also by they way one grew up. Genius is a quality of mind both derived by genes and also circumstances. Genius is not only about darn good in maths, or physics, or arts, or other fields and disciplines. Genius is about ability of oneself to define his or her own field of excellence. Manifestation of the field of excellence is often visible or sense-able even when one is still small or extremely young. However, everyone have the tendency to become normal (with exceptional ability in some areas), thus genius at the beginning may end up normal at the end.
Genius is not about ace-ing an exam, even though there is some significant correlation between genius and ace-ing an exam. However, the are higher correlation between genius and mental disturbance, or some kind of handicap (by mean of social). It is this 'difference' from normal human that drive normal human to push genius to become normal. Often parents, brothers and sisters, and relatives are the one number one enemies of the genius.
The number one problem with genius is Hunger. Extreme hunger for information. They want information, not knowledge. And one advantage that genius had over normal people is the ability to connect every dot and ends of every information they had into one piece of knowledge without intervention from anybody. It is this ability that no one are able to measure with respect to age. Genius have this quality from the beginning.
Well, I wish my dad was Michio Kaku, and my gradpa was Albert Einstein; I wish my mom was Marie Curie. I wish that one of my ancestor was Fermat, and Leibniz, and I am relative to Galileo. And how I wish that Leonardo DaVinci is my granpa in my mom's side. I am sure life will be much different.
Instead, I was brought up in an environment where there is constant struggle to live. There is no space to become different. No sign of genius ever known in that environment. Being different is wrong. I used to get angry when I think back those days.
But now I understand, that those days are not the time to be different. Nobody give a damn anyhow. I though to my self, while one is still living, it will never too late to be different.
Wednesday 10 August 2011
Tuesday 2 August 2011
Of there is no other ways...
I was thinking if death is the answer of all the mess I did. Logically, it will solve my problem, but it will hurt them more. Personally, I am not afraid of dying, because I don't have the sense of heaven or hell. But if I want to take my own life, I want a quick death. I don't want to feel pain.
Rationally, is it worth it to die?
But whatever it is, if I ever want to end my life, I will make sure that I got to say a proper goodbye to Achel, Gracie and my wife. For even though for them it seems that they are not everything to me, for me they are everything even though it is not in any of the expression I have showed them.
Rationally, is it worth it to die?
But whatever it is, if I ever want to end my life, I will make sure that I got to say a proper goodbye to Achel, Gracie and my wife. For even though for them it seems that they are not everything to me, for me they are everything even though it is not in any of the expression I have showed them.
My Dear Achel
I still remembers the day I sent Achel home from school, a few weeks before I was about to go abroad. Gracie was still small at that time, but strong enough to stand up.
I took along with me my camera. So I was taking picture of Achel and Gracie. Achel pull gracie out from her swing, Gracie was half awake I guess. I took pictures of them, and Achel was having fun. I did not see Achel much for several months because I was squatting in Frics labs go finish up my project before I go away.
I spend quite a while at home playing with Achel. She was so happy. She was about between 5 to 6 years old. Then I told her that I had to go back to the office. She was a bit angry and wanted me not to go. And she asked me to go to the kitchen and eat lunch. I guess the only moment she felt as a family is when all of us, before Gracie was born, sat together at the dining table in the morning or lunch and have meal together. I still remembers that, and I am very sad. I had class so I told her that I had to go back to the office. As I entered my car, she was at the door, with Gracie holding her trying to stand still, and I still remembers Achel facial expression vividly until now. It was an expression of sadness because she probably knew that I may not be at home again that evening. I took picture of her.
I think Achel feels that I have neglected her, and I think I probably have neglected her, Gracie and my dearest wife. Now, no matter how fun it was and how happy Achel is when I bring her to book store or to KFC, I guess that the cautious feeling that I might not be at home in the evening is still in her head.
I realise that I have to mend that, and I had to mend my wife's hurt too.
I took along with me my camera. So I was taking picture of Achel and Gracie. Achel pull gracie out from her swing, Gracie was half awake I guess. I took pictures of them, and Achel was having fun. I did not see Achel much for several months because I was squatting in Frics labs go finish up my project before I go away.
I spend quite a while at home playing with Achel. She was so happy. She was about between 5 to 6 years old. Then I told her that I had to go back to the office. She was a bit angry and wanted me not to go. And she asked me to go to the kitchen and eat lunch. I guess the only moment she felt as a family is when all of us, before Gracie was born, sat together at the dining table in the morning or lunch and have meal together. I still remembers that, and I am very sad. I had class so I told her that I had to go back to the office. As I entered my car, she was at the door, with Gracie holding her trying to stand still, and I still remembers Achel facial expression vividly until now. It was an expression of sadness because she probably knew that I may not be at home again that evening. I took picture of her.
I think Achel feels that I have neglected her, and I think I probably have neglected her, Gracie and my dearest wife. Now, no matter how fun it was and how happy Achel is when I bring her to book store or to KFC, I guess that the cautious feeling that I might not be at home in the evening is still in her head.
I realise that I have to mend that, and I had to mend my wife's hurt too.
Friday 29 July 2011
Will I Ever..
Gracie is a fine little girl. She has the true sign of prodigy, or an indigo. She is some cheerful little girl, and terribly curious about everything, loves puzzle, likes to explore, always wanting something fun to do. She has grown bigger and a bit taller, about 4 years old now. I did not see her growing up that much because I am away from home since she was born. I managed to see her as an infant, and see her sometimes when I am home for short break from study.
About a year ago, during one of my holiday at home, we went to kampung house, sort of name we identify my dads house in kampung. My wife was away in the states for some work, and I was at home for a little while. I thought that kampung house was the best for Achel and Gracie, the cousins was there and maybe get them to socialize a bit. We were there for about two weeks plus.Over one weekdays, I had to attend a conference somewhere and thus I let them stay with the nanny in kampung house. While away, I called kampung house and I was told that Gracie was weak, not eating, and constantly vomiting. My mom told me that Gracie was ok after some medicine she was forced to drink with her milk. But later when I called again, she was weak, very weak, not moving. After the conference, I went to kampung to see how she was doing. I was so sad, and so worried because Gracie was truly so weak. Very unlike when she is cheerful; I often say hi-five and we hi-five; she is constantly on the prowl and making a mess, walking about all places. That day, she was so weak. My heart sank when I see her unable to even lift her hand for hi-five. She tried so hard to lift her hands, sadly she can only manage to make -a super tiny- wiggle her little fingers. So I took her hand and hi-five with a smile even though my heart is terribly worried.
I decided that going back to white house is the best move. So we went back. When we reach home, Gracie was alert, but still very weak. I was hoping that probably it is nothing to worry, maybe some tooth is sprouting, or something. But I was also worried that maybe some dengue or malaria get into her system. Few days, she was relying on panadol for kids to reduce her temperature. She was so weak, and not eating. My desperate act, I sit by her and giving her a tiny chip of biscuit that I found on the table.She hold the cookies, too weak to get it to her mouth, but she really push herself to have a bite, but as soon as she swallowed it, she vomits. So I let her be, and some moment later, I gave her another bite. The nanny gave her some fish soup and she seems to take that, but vomits again after several gulp. She was lying on the mattress helpless, often I sat beside her or take a nap. I know that she was badly wanting to roam around the house just like she used to do all day, but that days, she was helpless. Looking ant her like that, I cant stop blaming kampung house or the nanny for not looking after her properly.
It was the time that I had to go back to Lancaster, and Gracie was still very weak. I was so worried that something bad will happen to her, let alone loosing her. My emotion was beyond expression. And I was in dilemma, because I had to fly back, but I know there I had to be there for Gracie, and if I miss my flight, I will not have any money to but another one-way ticket. I resorted to staying back for a few more days and be there for Gracie, and I managed to get another ticket through my wife's credit card.
Eventually, Gracie recovered very slowly, and all the time when she was ill, she was never out of smile. I don't know if she was in pain or otherwise, she always throw a small smile when I was with her. I tried hard to cheer her up just like what we have always used to do, just that this time, she only smile. Gracie recovered very slowly, her voice was heard though very faint, she hi-five, and eating something without vomiting it out again. Eventually, tough still weak, but she tried hard to move about. Now, Gracie is fit as ever.
I am thankful that nothing worst had happened. I am glad that I decided to stay back that day even though I was broke to buy another ticket. Anything can happen in the future, and I decide to be there for Achel and Gracie.
About a year ago, during one of my holiday at home, we went to kampung house, sort of name we identify my dads house in kampung. My wife was away in the states for some work, and I was at home for a little while. I thought that kampung house was the best for Achel and Gracie, the cousins was there and maybe get them to socialize a bit. We were there for about two weeks plus.Over one weekdays, I had to attend a conference somewhere and thus I let them stay with the nanny in kampung house. While away, I called kampung house and I was told that Gracie was weak, not eating, and constantly vomiting. My mom told me that Gracie was ok after some medicine she was forced to drink with her milk. But later when I called again, she was weak, very weak, not moving. After the conference, I went to kampung to see how she was doing. I was so sad, and so worried because Gracie was truly so weak. Very unlike when she is cheerful; I often say hi-five and we hi-five; she is constantly on the prowl and making a mess, walking about all places. That day, she was so weak. My heart sank when I see her unable to even lift her hand for hi-five. She tried so hard to lift her hands, sadly she can only manage to make -a super tiny- wiggle her little fingers. So I took her hand and hi-five with a smile even though my heart is terribly worried.
I decided that going back to white house is the best move. So we went back. When we reach home, Gracie was alert, but still very weak. I was hoping that probably it is nothing to worry, maybe some tooth is sprouting, or something. But I was also worried that maybe some dengue or malaria get into her system. Few days, she was relying on panadol for kids to reduce her temperature. She was so weak, and not eating. My desperate act, I sit by her and giving her a tiny chip of biscuit that I found on the table.She hold the cookies, too weak to get it to her mouth, but she really push herself to have a bite, but as soon as she swallowed it, she vomits. So I let her be, and some moment later, I gave her another bite. The nanny gave her some fish soup and she seems to take that, but vomits again after several gulp. She was lying on the mattress helpless, often I sat beside her or take a nap. I know that she was badly wanting to roam around the house just like she used to do all day, but that days, she was helpless. Looking ant her like that, I cant stop blaming kampung house or the nanny for not looking after her properly.
It was the time that I had to go back to Lancaster, and Gracie was still very weak. I was so worried that something bad will happen to her, let alone loosing her. My emotion was beyond expression. And I was in dilemma, because I had to fly back, but I know there I had to be there for Gracie, and if I miss my flight, I will not have any money to but another one-way ticket. I resorted to staying back for a few more days and be there for Gracie, and I managed to get another ticket through my wife's credit card.
Eventually, Gracie recovered very slowly, and all the time when she was ill, she was never out of smile. I don't know if she was in pain or otherwise, she always throw a small smile when I was with her. I tried hard to cheer her up just like what we have always used to do, just that this time, she only smile. Gracie recovered very slowly, her voice was heard though very faint, she hi-five, and eating something without vomiting it out again. Eventually, tough still weak, but she tried hard to move about. Now, Gracie is fit as ever.
I am thankful that nothing worst had happened. I am glad that I decided to stay back that day even though I was broke to buy another ticket. Anything can happen in the future, and I decide to be there for Achel and Gracie.
Monday 13 June 2011
The Story of Nothing
In a very far far land, there lives Nothing. He is neither good or bad, and everybody thought that Nothing is Empty. Well, they are close alright, for Empty is Nothing's first cousin.
One day, Wind the bad came over and started to mess about. Wind the bad pick on Everybody, including Somebody who was sitting on the throne of power. Everybody was Somebody's subject; thus Somebody asked Everybody to call Anybody who know how to handle that Wind the bad. But Anybody was not available. Somebody got so angry and in a rush, went into the closet to hide. Everybody was in trouble now.
Wind the bad passes by Nothing who was chatting Empty out for Full's burger. Wind the bad was puzzled; not scared is Nothing, so is Empty.
'I am Bad Wind, are you Nothing' Win the bad roar; Nothing less cares.
....cut the crap, I am not in the mood for stories.
{.}
One day, Wind the bad came over and started to mess about. Wind the bad pick on Everybody, including Somebody who was sitting on the throne of power. Everybody was Somebody's subject; thus Somebody asked Everybody to call Anybody who know how to handle that Wind the bad. But Anybody was not available. Somebody got so angry and in a rush, went into the closet to hide. Everybody was in trouble now.
Wind the bad passes by Nothing who was chatting Empty out for Full's burger. Wind the bad was puzzled; not scared is Nothing, so is Empty.
'I am Bad Wind, are you Nothing' Win the bad roar; Nothing less cares.
....cut the crap, I am not in the mood for stories.
{.}
Wednesday 27 April 2011
Who the fark Cares?
I have been very argumentative about everything. Religion, Politics, Philosophy of life, just name it, I can be very sarcastic in my comments and discussions about it.
Nope, I am not claiming that I am smart. Nor am I claiming that I know everything. But who knows, I may be looking at things from different angle, different from anybody else. I debate others views, and even question and provoke. Did I look down on the other party - probably I am. But, I will never surrender so long as I know that my view was stronger and of better sense.
I know somehow, nobody wants me to start an intellectual argument - I might brag forever and start belittling my opponent. Well, one thing for certain is that I hate stupidity. I might reveal my stupidity as well through my arguments, but, well, I can't argue with an opponent who argument is so plain empty and out of context.
Most probably my design is as such. I always wanted to educate people, I wanted them to know what I know, share my philosophy and let them understand them and be like me. All geniuses have the same nature.. so I wonder if I am a genius. Nehh, that is just a dream.
But soon I realised that nobody wants to ever bother about what I really talking about. If I argue about the philosophy of morality, who want to care, who cares, and why the fuck anybody wants to care about it? If I want argue that religion is nothing but just some old age mind therapy, who cares about it. Who cares about the definition of 'Faith'? Nobody cares about anything.
I guess I have to find another mind which has similar craving as mine. Analytical mind can be a terrible curse. When the brain starts to connects dots together, the more tormented the brain is. The more it gets tormented, the more it wants to know things. The more knowledge gets in, the more dots it become... and you know where it goes next.
Nope, I am not claiming that I am smart. Nor am I claiming that I know everything. But who knows, I may be looking at things from different angle, different from anybody else. I debate others views, and even question and provoke. Did I look down on the other party - probably I am. But, I will never surrender so long as I know that my view was stronger and of better sense.
I know somehow, nobody wants me to start an intellectual argument - I might brag forever and start belittling my opponent. Well, one thing for certain is that I hate stupidity. I might reveal my stupidity as well through my arguments, but, well, I can't argue with an opponent who argument is so plain empty and out of context.
Most probably my design is as such. I always wanted to educate people, I wanted them to know what I know, share my philosophy and let them understand them and be like me. All geniuses have the same nature.. so I wonder if I am a genius. Nehh, that is just a dream.
But soon I realised that nobody wants to ever bother about what I really talking about. If I argue about the philosophy of morality, who want to care, who cares, and why the fuck anybody wants to care about it? If I want argue that religion is nothing but just some old age mind therapy, who cares about it. Who cares about the definition of 'Faith'? Nobody cares about anything.
I guess I have to find another mind which has similar craving as mine. Analytical mind can be a terrible curse. When the brain starts to connects dots together, the more tormented the brain is. The more it gets tormented, the more it wants to know things. The more knowledge gets in, the more dots it become... and you know where it goes next.
Saturday 9 April 2011
The God that cares (..again?)
I had several feedback, verbally, about my previous writing - about that God that cares.
They said to me, that I should not look at the thing that happens right in front of my eyes only, that I should think of the world beyond, about what is going to happen in the afterlife.
The the oppressor for instance, in this world, he can be an oppressor, but be warned that his bad-doing in this world will be repaid; the oppressor will be tormented like shit and dump in a place called hell. By then, the poor will live a good life in paradise, a place where tears and cries are not in their dictionary.
Now, I don't get it. How can such idea appeals to the crowd? Can't anyone think for a second the reality of life? Who wanted a luxury life after he or she is stone cold dead? Oh, and not the physical body will get the benefit of living poorly and being oppressed they said. It is the soul! Again, how can such idea appeals to the crowd?
The reality of life that a rational mind should be able to comprehend is that 1)Poverty is painful. It takes and average of 50 years for am man to live, and that is the length of time a man had to withstand the pain of poverty. Why do anyone should give a damn about the soul living in luxury? The reality is the skin, bone and flesh right now is in pain because of poverty!; 2)Why the oppressor want to give a damn about tormented soul? Nobody had ever felt how bad a soul feels when tormented. Whats important is right now, he is living in luxury; that is more important than anticipating for the shady blurry scenario of soul being tormented in the afterlife.
Human are getting stupid. The grip of the afterlife scenario seems to be tighter than the grip of the reality of life. Regardless of it being just a 'scenario' or 'assumption', it does not make a difference. It is more 'real' than the reality of the reality of life.
Human should first and foremost, pursue justice and equality; not religion. 'God that cares' should not be used as a selling product to cover the reality of life. Instead, reality of life should be painted with the colour of the reality of life; happiness, sadness, poverty, oppressor. That is life. 'Care' from the God that care can't solve anything in this world, unless he is here.
Human should be brothers, regardless of what they are. What is the use of that God that cares when everyone are brothers?
They said to me, that I should not look at the thing that happens right in front of my eyes only, that I should think of the world beyond, about what is going to happen in the afterlife.
The the oppressor for instance, in this world, he can be an oppressor, but be warned that his bad-doing in this world will be repaid; the oppressor will be tormented like shit and dump in a place called hell. By then, the poor will live a good life in paradise, a place where tears and cries are not in their dictionary.
Now, I don't get it. How can such idea appeals to the crowd? Can't anyone think for a second the reality of life? Who wanted a luxury life after he or she is stone cold dead? Oh, and not the physical body will get the benefit of living poorly and being oppressed they said. It is the soul! Again, how can such idea appeals to the crowd?
The reality of life that a rational mind should be able to comprehend is that 1)Poverty is painful. It takes and average of 50 years for am man to live, and that is the length of time a man had to withstand the pain of poverty. Why do anyone should give a damn about the soul living in luxury? The reality is the skin, bone and flesh right now is in pain because of poverty!; 2)Why the oppressor want to give a damn about tormented soul? Nobody had ever felt how bad a soul feels when tormented. Whats important is right now, he is living in luxury; that is more important than anticipating for the shady blurry scenario of soul being tormented in the afterlife.
Human are getting stupid. The grip of the afterlife scenario seems to be tighter than the grip of the reality of life. Regardless of it being just a 'scenario' or 'assumption', it does not make a difference. It is more 'real' than the reality of the reality of life.
Human should first and foremost, pursue justice and equality; not religion. 'God that cares' should not be used as a selling product to cover the reality of life. Instead, reality of life should be painted with the colour of the reality of life; happiness, sadness, poverty, oppressor. That is life. 'Care' from the God that care can't solve anything in this world, unless he is here.
Human should be brothers, regardless of what they are. What is the use of that God that cares when everyone are brothers?
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